Thursday, December 31, 2020

Seeing nature in the new year


I'm different.  Different from everyone in my class.  Different from most people in my school.  But at breakfast today I watched the pied wagtails fly in and out of the nest.  How could I feel lonely when there are such things?  Wildlife is my refuge.  When I'm sitting and watching, grown-ups usually ask if I'm okay.  Like it's not okay just to sit and process the world, to figure things out and watch other species go about their day.  Wildlife never disappoints like people can.  Nature has a purity to me, unaffected.  I watch the wagtail fly out and in again, then step a little closer.  Peering in, I see that last week's eggs are now chicks.  Tiny bright-yellow beaks, mouths opening and closing silently.  This is magic.   



New Year's Eve, and this afternoon was my last daily walk of 2020.  Across the UW campus.   Enjoying the sun's attempt to break through the clouds.  The tall trees, now free of leaves, stretching their skeletal arms up to the sky.   The ducks swimming on Frosh Pond, the Canada geese who've decided not to fly home.

Twenty-twenty.  It's all been said, in essays, blogs, news columns, jokes, cartoons, comics.  The year that nobody wanted.  The year that forms a hollow place in the stories of our lives.  The year of pandemic, of racial unrest, of the president who didn't know when to let go.

But I come not to discuss 2020 but to bury it.  On to 2021.  Will it be better?  The stock market seems to think so, and they're never wrong, right?  We'll have effective vaccines, we'll have a new president, we'll have a blank slate on which to write a new story.  Let's hope for the best.

But a new year means resolutions.  My resolution is simple: to pay attention.  Attention to the people around me, certainly, but -- even more -- attention to the beauties and curiosities of the physical world in which I live.  A resolution that I've made -- mentally, if not in writing -- in past years, but it's worth working on it again.

I'm reading a book entitled The Diary of a Young Naturalist, from which my opening quotation is taken.  The author, Dara McAnulty, is a 16-year-old boy in Northern Ireland.  His book is drawn from a diary he kept the year he was 14.  McAnulty is autistic.  He is a devoted naturalist.  And he is a beautiful and self-aware writer, beautiful and self-aware not just for a teenager but for anyone of any age.

You can safely anticipate my book review once I've finished the book.  But I mention him in connection with my resolution because of his ability, his joy, in focusing on the natural phenomena about him.  Birds, of course.  But flowers, trees, plants of every kind.  Insects.  The tactile feel  of grass, of tree bark, of the soil itself.  He understands his autism, and how it makes it difficult for him to relate to other people -- difficult, but not impossible.  But he substitutes for the pleasures of human relations his ability to focus on nature, an ability which few of us possess.

We are not as capable as he, perhaps, but we are capable of far more attention to the natural world than we actually give it.  Even those of us who consider ourselves lovers of nature sometimes prefer our nature sanitized and romanticized:

People just seemed to enjoy nature from a distance; cherry blossom or autumn leaves were beautiful on trees, where they belonged, but not so great when they fell all damp and leathery to the ground, onto lawns or school playgrounds.  Snails were an abomination.  Foxes were vermin, badgers were dangerous.  All these strange ideas spun round me like a spider's web, until I was entombed. 

We can't all be naturalists, obviously.  We can't all love dead leaves and snails.  But we can pay attention, pay attention to our surroundings just as we pay attention to sports scores.  And when I say "we," I mean "me."  Being intrigued by nature isn't a moral imperative.  It's simply something I think I should make a greater attempt to do, because doing so would fit in so clearly with my own less well defined interests and aesthetic concerns.

Will I be kinder, more interested and understanding, the next time a raccoon strolls in through my cat door?  Will I continue rooting out my dandelions after reading how dependent the first bees of the season are on dandelion nectar?  I guess those will be early tests of my sincerity.

Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

Old travel journal -- biking in England



In June 1961, during the three-week break between terms while studying in Florence, I traveled on my own through southern France, made a quick overnight stop across the border in Franco's Spain, and then spent the rest of my time in England.  After five nights in London, I took the train north to York.  I wanted to get out into the country, so I rented a bike. I quote here from my handwritten journal, describing the five days I was "on the road."

If I sound very young, well, I was.  If my writing sounds a bit flat, remember that it was scrawled in haste each night in a crowded youth hostel dorm.. It never occurred to me that my scribblings might someday be published in a "blog."  I have corrected my spelling occasionally, but have otherwise left my wide-eyed exuberance (and my grammar) intact. 

I've changed over the years. So has England!
--------------------------------------------

Tuesday, 20 June [1961]
York - Sutton Bank
Weather:  Cloudy to clearing


(Necessarily written a day late.)  Took the bus [from the youth hostel] into town and found a bike shop that rented me a bike for a week for 10s.  Started pedaling west, and the riding went quite easily, until I had a flat.  Had it repaired at Boroughbridge and ate a couple of ham sandwiches and a coke.  Rode on to Ripon, and from there a few miles to beautiful Fountains Abbey.  It was very impressive, and I couldn't help thinking of the monks who for four centuries had lived their lives there, and how they never dreamed it would fall into ruins the way it has.  Saw actual charters and documents of Dissolution.  All of a sudden I learned that the hostel I was going to (Ellington) was closed tonight for warden's rest.  So I started east for the Yorkshire moors.  I had a good wind, and all went well until past Thirsk, where I hit the Sutton bank -- a one in four grade!  At the top, it was beautiful.  Rolling moorland with small Christmas tree size firs and hemlocks in places.  It was about sunset by now so I hid my bike, put pajama bottoms on under my pants, used the top as a scarf, and lay down and tried to go to sleep.

Wednesday, 21 June
Sutton Bank - Scarborough
Weather:  Fair

What a horrible night.  It was near-frost, damp; my feet were almost dead and my seat and knees were always cold.  It didn't seem like I slept at all, but I must have, because the night finally ended -- fortunately, the shortest of the year!  I got going before 5 and breezed (brr!) into Helmsley at 5:30.  This was a fascinating city, especially quiet in the early morning sun.  Quaint town square surrounded by inns, and nearby a ruined castle.  Kirkby Moorside's main asset was its name.  I was looking for breakfast by now, and finally located a place east of Kirkby Moorside where a little lady served me in what was like a private dining room to cereal, eggs, bacon, toast, and tea.  Wonderful, after my ordeal.  In spite of bad circumstances, all my pre-breakfast fast cycling was quite interesting -- the country is at its finest at that time.  I arrived here at 11:30 a.m. -- my day's driving over with soon!  Scarborough is a glorified Seaside [Oregon].  Just full of people, concessions, rides, parks, stores, etc.  It's really quite fascinating, as are all the people here.  (Englishmen are quite white in their bathing suits.)  I lay on the beach, read, and ate and drank way too much ice cream and pop.  Bought Wuthering Heights to put me in the right mood for moors!

Thursday, 22 June
Scarborough - Bridlington
Weather:  Fair but windy

Left Scarborough and easily pedaled the less than 20 miles to Bridlington.  If I thought Scarborough was a huge Coney Island, it was only because I hadn't seen Bridlington!  Endless cafes, refreshment stands, penny arcades (with slot machines -- for 1d.), a bowling green, maze-golf, carnival rides, kiddie-land, etc. etc.  But none of the green shady streets of Scarborough.  After arriving, I bought cone after cone, drink after drink.  My body seemed to crave them -- perhaps I was thirsty!  I sat down on the sand, shading my legs from the sun, and read Wuthering Heights while licking ice cream cones!  After a bit of hunting, I found the Youth Hostel about 5.  I then found dinner at a restaurant -- 2 eggs, bacon, 2 toasts, and a coke -- all for 4s.  And it was delicious!  Afterward I wandered around the arcades until about 8, when I came back to the hostel.  They have a very cozy common room, and a library where I found Betty MacDonald's "The Plague and I" and read it until I realized the place was very quiet -- and sneaked myself into bed in the dark room!

Friday, 23 June
Bridlington (Flamborough)
Weather:  Cloudy/sunny -- strong winds

Got up and headed right straight for Flamborough Head.  By walking along the beach at the bottom of the cliffs, I was able to go the entire distance.  The beach, at first sandy, soon became composed of large white rocks -- whose identity I wondered idly about until I suddenly realized I was walking on chalk.  The beach went in and out, making nice little coves along the way -- I could really see how pirates used to use them.  After a couple of hours, I began to notice that my legs were getting pink, and wondered about the sun (magnified by the bright white rocks).  I realized there was no way to get from the beach to the cliffs-- but finally found a rope someone had left and pulled myself up to where a slope began.  Then I followed a path along the top of the cliff to the picturesque lighthouse, and looked down to the rugged rocks below.  I also visited a signal tower -- one of a chain to warn of invasions.  This one kept its eye on Bridlington, ready to signal if it did.  Finally, after a rest I began the long walk back.  I finished the day on the beach (legs covered!) and in the evening saw a couple of British pictures.

Saturday, 24 June
Bridlington - York
Weather:  Sunny -- very windy

Today, I started with the bright hope of riding the 35 miles or so to York.  This wouldn't have been difficult if I hadn't run into west winds of about 25 mph.  I struggled and puffed for eleven miles, but when I found myself getting exhausted as I pedaled down a long hill, I gave  up.  I turned around, coasted back uphill, and almost flew back to Bridlington.  I took a train then, with my bike, back to York.  Cowardly, but so much easier!  York was again a joy to behold and this time I knew the layout fairly well.  I almost panicked, however, when I remembered I had to cash a travelers check, and all the banks were closed.  After trying at the station, and at a hotel, I finally got a department store to do it.  After a Wimpy dinner, I revisited the Minster, while they were playing the huge organ.  Such huge rumbling notes, nothing like our little U.S. church organs,   I also took a look at the remains of the old abbey in a park there -- nothing really to look at.

-----------------------

From York, I returned to London, and then went on by train to visit Salisbury (and Stonehenge) and Winchester.  I returned to London, stayed two nights in Canterbury, and left England by ferry on my way back to Florence on June 30.

Monday, December 28, 2020

Taste of strawberries


I visualize Donald and Melanie snuggled up on a couch in the White House, having decorated the tree, drinking eggnog and talking about great experiences of the past and how lucky they've been. Then Barron runs in shouting, "Dad, mom, it's snowing!" and they all run to the window. "It's like magic," Donald whispers, awe in his voice.


I jokingly dashed off this bit of satire (or bitter sarcasm) on Facebook last week.  I didn't give it much thought, but it meshes nicely with an article in a magazine I received today.1  Author and professor Jessica Hooten Wilson uses Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings as an example of the difference between those who seek power for power's sake, and those who seek to live a "good life" by resisting the desire for power -- by themselves and others -- as an end in itself.

Wilson recalls that in his quest to Mount Doom, carrying the Ring, Frodo is burdened, physically and mentally, to the point that he can't recall the happier memories of his life in the Shire.  In the film based on the Tolkien epic, Frodo's stalwart companion, Samwise, reminds him that there are values worth savoring, values for which the defeat of Sauron is but the necessary means:

Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo?  It will be spring soon, and the orchards will be in blossom.  And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket.  And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields.  And they'll be eating the first of the strawberries with cream?  Do you remember the taste of strawberries? 

Although force was required to defeat Sauron, as well as guile, those qualities were not what life is about.  Wilson compares The Lord of the Rings with Homer's Odyssey

Homer's story relies on xenia (hospitality) for its distinction between good and evil.  Tolkien emphasizes resistance to power against lust for power.  In the Odyssey, the good characters know how to make strangers into guests (instead of into meals); in The Lord of the Rings, the heroes banded together into fellowship and friendship to withstand the One Ring.  Those who crave power have no friends; only temporary alliances.  They have no joy in singing, dancing, or telling stories.  They lose the taste of strawberries.   

They also lose their taste for the beauty of gently falling fresh snow.  Trump leaps into mind, and hurls himself all across the author's pages, although his name is never mentioned.  

If asked, I suspect the author would reply that Trump is but an archetype, an exemplar of the sort of person that's become all too common. More accurately, of a sort of person that has always been all too common.  Again, referring to Tolkien's epic:

For the story to work, Tolkien depends on an audience that will refuse a compromise that exchanges one's delight in small ordinary things for the provision of great power.

Yet, I worry this audience is diminishing.

Many of us hoped for a Democratic candidate this year who, like a knight with a shining sword, would destroy the Trump presidency.  Instead, what we got was someone more like Frodo.  An experienced politician, certainly, but in many ways a small, gentle, quiet man.  A man who gladly interrupted his campaigning to encourage a boy suffering, as had he, from a bad case of stuttering.  Who later, away from the glare of journalists and PR men, called the boy at home to suggest remedies that had worked for him.   

Very nice, I'm sure many thought, but that's wasting time needed for the battle against Trump.

Sauron wasn't defeated by the great armies of men and elves arrayed against his forces down on the plains.  He was defeated by a shy hobbit, a hobbit with an atypical (for a hobbit) sense of adventure, but nevertheless, a hobbit who would rather have been sitting at home back in the Shire, smoking a pipe and telling stories.  (A person somewhat like Tolkien, I suspect.)  A hobbit who was too insignificant to catch the attention of the all-seeing eye of Sauron until it was too late, until he had climbed Mount Doom and -- with some unintended help from Gollum -- hurled the Ring into Sammath Naur, the Cracks of Doom.

Joe Biden quietly told his stories to the American electorate, ignoring the posturing and taunts and braying of his opponent.  But he won.  He vanquished Trump, the self-described Chosen One.  It was no landslide, but Frodo himself came very close to failing.

Someone else might have beaten Trump by a larger margin, had he or she been more Trump-like.  I'm reassured and happy that the Dark One was vanquished by something more like the Light.  How good a president Biden turns out to be remains to be seen.  But by being the man he is, he represents our nation's better instincts.  He will be the symbol of America, witnessed by the peoples of the world.   His victory has been a victory for human decency.

He's a president who cares about a kid with a stammer.  He's a president with a taste for strawberries.

-------------------------------------

 1 "Return to the Shire," America (January 2021)

Thursday, December 24, 2020

Christmas 2020



 

Merry Christmas !!

(2020 version)


Tuesday, December 22, 2020

You Asked for Perfect


A fox spies luscious grapes in a vineyard, but the hole in the fence is too small.  He can't get through.  So he starves himself for three days until he can slip through and gorge on the grapes.  But once he's eaten all the grapes, he can't get back through the fence.  He must fast for three more days and leaves as unsatisfied as he came.

--Story from the Talmud

Ariel is a senior at a good Georgia high school.  With his family, he is an observant Jew, as are many of his friends.  Almost all of his classes are Advanced Placement, in which he makes straight "A"s..  He is first chair violinist for the school orchestra.  He is in line to be valedictorian.  Until his senior year, he played soccer, but gave it up because it was interfering with study time.  He volunteers at an animal shelter.  All of these activities were once enjoyable, but he now sees them as mere stepping stones to achievement of his ultimate goal -- admission to Harvard.

Then Ariel gets a C on his first quiz in AP Calculus, a crack in his carefully constructed persona of perfection, and his world begins falling apart.

I've had periods of stress in my life, but not in high school.  (I realize that high school has changed since my days there, long ago!)  In college I had short periods of stress before final exams, when I had to catch up with work I should have completed earlier.  I had longer periods of even greater stress as a trial attorney, preparing for especially difficult trials.  But I've never undergone daily stress for an entire year, to the point that my health and my ability to think clearly were affected.

Laura Silverman, in her YA novel, You Asked for Perfect (2019), puts us inside Ariel's mind and soul for an entire novel.  I had to put it aside occasionally because I felt Ariel's stress so clearly -- his feeling that he might just have time to do everything required of him, and then to have additional assignments added, or have family and friends -- whom he cared for deeply -- beg him for time-consuming attention.

Ariel views his C on a single calculus quiz as a breach in his carefully constructed stairway to Harvard, a breach that could cause the entire stairway to collapse.  Then his orchestra's conductor warns him that he's about to lose his first chair position if he doesn't vastly improve his playing of the prominent solo portion of an orchestral piece.  His sister and parents make demands on his time.  His best friend talks him into playing a part-time violin accompaniment in a two-person band she's formed.  His other friends feel neglected.  And he finds himself developing a crush on one of his classmates, a crush he doesn't have time for.

Step by step we follow Ariel through his senior year, as the vice tightens around his head.  He allots himself four or five hours a night to sleep, but sometimes needs an all-nighter.  His thinking deteriorates.  His fingers are bloodied from practicing the violin.  He runs red lights.  Because he has insisted on maintaining his image of perfection, none of his friends, let alone his parents, can understand what's bothering him.

I've never before read a book that caused me to suffer the same afflictions as the protagonist.  My muscles tensed, my head ached.  I had to stop reading every so often just to detach myself from Ariel's problems.

I wondered what kind of readership this story would attract.  Most YA books feature more or less average teenagers confronting the usual teenage problems.  Ariel himself, however, is surrounded by friends who consider themselves "slacking off" if they decide to settle for an easier admission to a "lesser" Ivy League school -- like Dartmouth!  Is high school today this bad?  

But on-line reviews by readers overwhelmingly indicate that the author has identified a widespread problem among high school students today, kids who are practically killing themselves to get into their "dream school." 

It's Ariel's rabbi who tells him the story of the fox and the grapes.  The rabbi encourages him to consider to what extent the admirable goal of Harvard admission is worth the sacrifices he's making during his high school years -- urging him not to abandon the goal, but to consider to what extent Harvard actually demands a "perfect" résumé from its applicants. 

Ariel finally makes some adjustments.  He accepts second chair in the violin section.  He drops an AP Spanish literature course   He takes time for family, and enjoys playing one-on-one soccer with his soccer-playing younger sister.  He kisses and holds hands with the boy on whom he's had a crush, an idealistic Muslim classmate who himself plans to become a doctor and who tells Ariel:

They make us think the grade is more important than the learning, and that's messed up.  We're all overwhelmed.  You're not alone.

Ariel is still overworked, but he has reasserted some control over his life.  The decision from Harvard will arrive when it will arrive.

Friday, December 18, 2020

Father and son: getting close


Jupiter and Saturn will be nudging up close together on Monday.  This nudging is the closest the two have come since "The Great Conjunction" of 1623.  How close?  According to NASA's website:

On the 21st, they will appear so close that a pinkie finger at arm’s length will easily cover both planets in the sky.

Or to be more precise, one-tenth of a degree apart. And, as frosting on the cake, this will occur on the day of the winter solstice.

So much for the science. What does it portend? Not a lot, if 1623 is the measure. In 1623, Urban VIII became pope. Virginia passed America's first temperance law. An early mechanical computer called "The Calculating Clock" was invented. And -- listen carefully -- forces from the Kingdom of Kongo defeated the Portuguese in the Battle of Mbanda Kasi.

But rather than look back at history, let's look at the stars.  Who were Saturn and Jupiter?  They were Roman gods, of course.  And Saturn was the father of Jupiter.    (Ops, the "earth mother," was also Jupiter's mother.)  Saturn was a cranky sort.  Because of a prophecy that one of his children would overthrow him from his position as the President Trump of his time, he ate each of his children as they were born.  Ops got a little tired of this after a while, and, by trickery, managed to save Jupiter.  Who eventually fulfilled the prophecy.

It was what we call a fraught father-son relationship.  Jupiter, always suspecting that daddy was going to eat him, and Saturn, always suspecting that the little tad, growing bigger every day, would try to take over the family universe.  So I sense tension and friction as they come within one-tenth of a degree on Monday.

We know from history that Jupiter will ultimately prevail.  On Monday?  Or do we have to wait another four hundred years or so?  Who knows.  But I look forward to Jupiter's ultimate victory.  After all, he was the father himself of Apollo, god of the sun (and of light, music and poetry, healing, prophecy and knowledge, order and beauty, archery and agriculture).  And the father of Diana, goddess of the moon (and of wild animals and of hunting).  And the father of Minerva, goddess of wisdom, war, art, schools, and commerce.

Mostly good stuff, aside from war, right?  The things that make us glad to be human.

And Saturn?   Well, with the notable exception of Jupiter, he ate his kids for dinner.  After getting his come-uppance, he mellowed, settled down in Latium (near Rome), and tinkered with farming. 

I root for Jupiter, and am glad he won.  Let's hope he vanquishes Saturn on Monday -- the very day that the sun begins moving northward again, the days grow longer, the trees begin budding, and the pandemic loses its virulence.  Three cheers for Jupiter, and for the gifts that Apollo, Diana, and Minerva bestow upon us.  

Keep your eyes on the sky, near sunset Monday.  And Happy Solstice. 

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Just folks (in Iran)


This coming April will be the tenth anniversary of my two-week visit to Iran with a college alumni group.  The trip was educational and eye-opening in many ways, and especially in affording us contacts with ordinary Iranians at play and at work.  As I wrote on this blog at the time, I was impressed by how similar to average Americans they seemed, in their warmth and in their sense of humor.

Besides Tehran, we visited cities all over the country, from Mashad near the Afghan border, to Kerman and Yazd in the southern desert, to Shiraz and Isfahan in the west.  Yazd was impressive as a center of the Zoroastrian faith, the pre-Muslim faith of Persia, and the home of now-disused "Towers of Silence," (photo) where the dead were ceremonially commended to the attention of vultures, before burial of their bones.

I was reminded of this trip by my reading of a YA novel, Darius the Great Is Not Okay (2018), about a high school sophomore in Portland, Oregon, who, with his entire family, visits his mother's Zoroastrian relatives in Yazd.  The story had several themes, especially the fact that both the boy and his father suffered from -- and were routinely medicated for -- depression.  The boy (Darius) was mildly bullied -- he didn't feel it was "mildly" -- both because of his behavioral peculiarities linked to his depression and because of his half-Iranian ancestry.  

In Yazd, Darius meets a boy (Sohrab) his own age -- son of family friends -- who befriends Darius with warmth and acceptance.  Their friendship is helped by the fact that Darius had developed pretty good soccer skills back in Portland, although -- being depressed -- he considers himself a lousy player.

The story itself is interesting, but most interesting to me was the portrayal of the Iranian background.  Darius meets his grandparents for the first time, and discovers what warm, loving people they are.  He and Sohrab explore Yazd together.  With his family, Darius visits the Tower of Silence (the book oddly ignores the contributions of vultures to the burials), and makes the five-hour drive to the ruins at Persepolis.  We learn a lot of Farsi words, phrases, and greetings.  We learn a lot about Persian food.  And Darius brings from Portland his own obsession with varieties of tea.

We also learn not only about Zoroastrianism, but a bit about the Baháʼí faith, the religion to which Sohrab's family belongs.  Unlike the protected religions of Islam, Judaism, Christianity, and Zoroastrianism,  Baháʼí  believers are often persecuted under the Islamic Republic.

The author, Adib Khorram, is himself the son of Baháʼí parents who immigrated to Kansas City in the 1980s.  He has never visited Iran himself, but has pieced together an impressively detailed account of life in Yazd, relying on talks with family members, including those still in Iran, photographs, and research.  The book made me want to revisit Iran, a visit that probably is unlikely in the present political climate.  It also made me conscious of the difficulties faced by people of all ages who suffer from clinical depression.  

Monday, December 14, 2020

Just like the ones I used to know


I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
With every Christmas card I write ...


White Christmases in the Northwest Corner -- at least, on this western side of the Cascades -- are unlikely this year, as always.  And even Christmas cards are becoming rarer.

Looking back over blog posts of years past, I see repeated lamentations over the dying custom of sending Christmas cards.  In 2008, I wrote:

Let's face it. Maybe in 2008, with email and Facebook so readily available, no one really does care if I send them a card or not. But I send them for myself, at least in part. Christmas just doesn't feel like Christmas until I carry my stack of envelopes down to the corner and drop them in the mailbox.

In that post, twelve years ago, I sounded a little discouraged, but still feisty.  By 2016, after a disturbing election, I was becoming disturbed at my fellow Americans, writing in a post entitled "Happy whatever":

Maybe -- except in the bosom of our nuclear families -- we should all just sit around a plain pole and exchange ironic witticisms. Or did Seinfeld beat me to it? Happy Festivus?

Or maybe the entire nation can coalesce around a December festival in honor of Momus, the Greek god of irony, sarcasm, and ridicule. The last god that educated Americans have in common.

My Christmas card post in 2018 was entitled "Dying custom."  And last Christmas, in "Moribund," I wrote:

And at what point do we pull the sheet over the moribund patient and snap our fingers to summon the eagerly awaiting mortician?
Merry Digital Christmas!

What more can I say?  Just R.I.P.?

Not quite, but almost.  I wrote my relatives a week or so ago that -- amidst all the other losses occasioned by the Covid-19 pandemic -- this would be the first year since I was 18 and a college freshman than I wouldn't be sending out Christmas cards.  As expected, no one complained.  My sister asked, non-commitedly, "why?"  Fine, I thought.  The comedy is over.  Curtain.

Then, this past week I received a card -- one very nice card -- from a very nice family who I rarely see in person, but with whom I've always exchanged cards.  Do I cut off this one continuing link, and thus the friendship?  And do I want to hurt their feelings by not reciprocating?  After all these years?  

"Conscience doth make cowards of us all."  

I dragged out last year's card list.  By last year, it was only one-third as long as it had been fifteen or twenty years ago.  The pruning had been going on for some time.  On the list were some names who hadn't reciprocated for a couple of years or so.  Delete.  There were people who I see or with whom I talk on Facebook constantly.  Delete.  There were still a number of names left.  Ok.  I give up.  

I went, masked, to the University Bookstore.  They had hardly any cards for sale this year, but I bought a box of some that weren't too bad.  I'm sending them to the very few people left on my list, plus some close relatives  who may or may not send cards most years.

If last year's post was titled "Moribund," this year's should be "Moribunder."  But it isn't.

Merry Christmas!

Saturday, December 12, 2020

A solitary Christmas


“In all other Christmases of my life, I had got a lot of presents and a big dinner. This Christmas I was to get no presents, and not much of a dinner: but I would have, indeed, Christ Himself, God, the Savior of the world.”

So wrote Thomas Merton, of his first Christmas in a Trappist abbey in Kentucky, in his best-selling 1948 autobiography, The Seven Storey Mountain.  Me?  I'm not a monk.  I don't live in a monastery.  And I certainly lack the deep spirituality that Merton possessed.  But the quotation in some ways suggests my expectations -- even hopes -- for Christmas 2020.

Christmas, since childhood, has often been the most social season of my year.  My family during childhood was a fairly self-contained unit -- not unfriendly to outsiders, but not outgoing.  Christmas was one time when others gathered with us -- distant relatives, old friends of my parents, people we saw only rarely.  As an adult, living alone with no relatives left living here in the Northwest Corner, Christmas has been the one holiday that has always found me surrounded by company -- either with relatives visiting me, or, more often, my traveling out of town and joining their own family celebrations.

Childhood traditions passed on to the present, and new traditions adopted from in-law families: each year I was happily surrounded by, encompassed in, family traditions -- by the traditions and by the people who carried them forward.

This year, Covid-19 is raging at its highest intensity yet, and all my family is conscientiously quarantining.  My brother's household has just five members; my sister's, three.  

And if you disregard two elegant, highly intelligent cats, I will celebrate the season alone. 

But "celebrating" itself is curtailed.  No Christmas shopping -- shopping in decorated stores, that is, as opposed to "buying" on the internet.  No ballet performance of the Nutcracker.  No theatrical performance of Dickens's Christmas Carol.  No chorus of young people singing the "Service of Lessons and Carols" in a church or concert hall.

Not even Christmas church services -- the churches have all been closed.

So, I might as well be a Trappist monk like Brother Merton.  I will be alone, alone with my thoughts and contemplations.  Christmas carols on the radio.  Maybe an evening laughing at Ralphie and his BB gun in A Christmas Story.  An online Zoom performance of the "Lessons and Carols" by the Northwest Boychoir, each boy singing from his home.  St. Joseph Church's streamed Christmas Eve Mass -- celebrated before a camera, rather than a congregation.  

And another of those frozen turkey dinners on Christmas day.  Perhaps two turkey dinners -- my Thanksgiving dinner seemed a little too light.

Maybe the solitude and the relative silence will be good for me, as it was for Thomas Merton, as it was for the Desert Fathers, as it is for Buddhist monks.

This month's Jesuit publication, America, contains an article discussing the benefits of solitude -- solitude not as a necessary reaction to the pandemic, or as the loneliness of a person in a nursing home, but as a chosen vocation.  As one example, a middle-aged writer and professor, raised as a Catholic, influenced as was Merton by Buddhism, and now working out his own way of life, describes his typical day:

I rise early, feed (and talk to) the wild birds, light a candle at my altar to the ancestors, sit in meditation, walk, eat breakfast and write.  With luck I remember to blow out the candle.  In the evenings I reach out to other people, to friends and strangers; I collect leftover bread from a local bakery and deliver it to a food pantry.  On Saturdays I sit with the Buddhists; on Sundays I attend Episcopal services.  Rendered so succinctly, it sounds like a pretty good life.

As the article concludes: "Indeed it does."

My days are far less structured, and will be less structured at Christmas.  But I hope to make the most of my first solitary Christmas, to learn something from it, to enjoy it for what it is, to appreciate more fully what we're celebrating. 

And, of course, to look forward to more chaotic, less solitary Christmases in future years. 

Tuesday, December 8, 2020

Lavinia


I sing of arms and the man, he who, exiled by fate,
first came from the coast of Troy to Italy,
and to Lavinian shores –
hurled about endlessly by land and sea,
by the will of the gods,
by cruel Juno’s remorseless anger,
long suffering also in war, until he founded a city
and brought his gods to Latium:
from that the Latin people came,
the lords of Alba Longa, the walls of noble Rome.

Anyone who has taken high school Latin -- as many of us once did -- has probably read at least some portion of Virgil's Aeneid, of which the above are the opening lines.   The Aeneid was Rome's answer to the Greeks' Iliad and Odyssey -- an epic which many, then and much later, treated as history, as its founding story.  Although Homer's life and character are much in controversy, Virgil was very much a real poet, and he is said to have written the Aeneid at the behest of Caesar Augustus.

As the opening lines suggest, the Aeneid recounts the Odyssey-like voyage of Aeneas -- a Trojan hero who escapes defeated Troy with his father and his son Ascanius by ship.  He sailed about the Mediterranean, and eventually made land in Carthage where he had an affair with the married Queen Dido.  As I recall, the only lines we translated in high school were from the time he spent in Carthage.  Aeneas, whose mother was the goddess Aphrodite (Venus), had been told by the gods to establish a new country in Latium, on the Italian west coast -- which he did, after first visiting the Underworld.

Ursula K. Le Guin, that author of fantasy novels, has written something rather different in her novel Lavinia (2008).  Lavinia, the fully realized narrator of Le Guin's novel, is a barely mentioned character in the Aeneid.  She was the daughter of Latinus, the king of Laurentum, a city near the spot where Aeneas and his ships landed.  She married Aeneas, and bore him a son.  Their son, Silvius, according to Roman myth, was the distant ancestor of the twins Romulus and Remus, founders of Rome.

In the novel, Virgil appears to Lavinia, then 18, on several occasions as a "wraith" -- the embodiment of the poet's soul while his body is slowly dying on a ship, many centuries later.   Lavinia and Virgil impress each other, for differing reasons.  Virgil realizes that he had taken none of the females in his epic seriously -- absorbed only in the lives and conflicts of the men.  He wishes he had "known" Lavinia better -- or rather, he wishes he had invented Lavinia more fully.

Lavinia comes to realize, or believe, that she exists only because Virgil had, a millennium later, mentioned her in an epic poem.  She is caught up in the story that Virgil tells her; she awaits the arrival of Aeneas, whose virtues Virgil commends to her.  She eventually realizes that because the poet had described her so briefly, she has more room for exercising her free will, choosing between paths apart from the poem, than did characters like Aeneas and her father.

She will marry Aeneas, Virgil tells her.  Eventually, she does.  You will have only three years together, Virgil tells her.  Aeneas is killed exactly three years after they marry.  What would happen next Virgil had not written.  Her decisions were to be her own.

Le Guin's novel brings to mind the Theseus novels of Mary Renault, The King Must Die and The Bull from the Sea.  Both Renault and Le Guin bring ancient legends to life, helping us to realize that, if the stories were actual history, they would have taken place on the same Earth on which we live now -- the birds sang as they do today, the flowers bloomed, the same sun rose and set.  In the same way, however different from ours the societies of myth and legend might have been, however different their religious beliefs and their ideals, human beings -- both heroes and ordinary folks -- were nevertheless like us in fundamentals. They loved, they feared death, some sought fame and glory, others sought comfort and obscurity.  They lived lives we can relate to.

But Renault always tells her stories as the Greeks themselves would have done -- from the perspective of the men, the warriors, the heroes.  Although Le Guin's novels have many male protagonists, she also has strong female heroes who sometimes find themselves smothered by the male society in which they live.  But sometimes not.  And even her male heroes are far more introspective than the Greek ideal Renault presents.  (Although Renault had Theseus's son -- a highly spiritual teenager -- ask his father about the purpose of life, a question that appalled Theseus.  "If a man began asking such things, where would be the end of it?")

The Greek hero, the heroes both Greek and Trojan who died at Troy, were all tough and aggressive, rarely doubting their duty to kill indiscriminately in support of their comrades and their king.  On the other hand, Lavinia recalls her husband Aeneas after his death:

In emergency, at the moment of choice, Aeneas might hesitate, confused, looking to the outcome, torn between conflicting claims and possibilities: in a torment of indecision he groped for his purpose, his fate, till he found it.  Then his choice was made and he acted on it.  And while he acted, his purpose was unwavering.  Afterwards, he might agonise over it all again, question his conscience endlessly, never fully satisfied that he had done the right thing.

In this Le Guin novel, as in others I have read, the primary battle that a man (or woman) must win is rarely a battle by force of arms, although such battles may also occur of necessity.  To quote myself (always a reliable source):

The battle isn't against an evil-doer, although some characters do evil, but against hostile environments and against the impersonal forces of fate and necessity. And, often, against the protagonists' own undiscovered emotions and fears.  Le Guin's heroes seek -- like the wizards in the Earthsea series -- to maintain the proper balance in the universe, always aware that every act -- good or bad -- has unforeseeable consequences. As does every failure to act.

Le Guin's Aeneas is such a hero: fierce and bloodthirsty in battle, worried and thoughtful in reflection.  And unlike the Greek hero for whom a woman was a possession, legally a chattel, however loved she might be, Aeneas was a man who perhaps resembled many men in the 21st century, but not the true man, the heroic man, of the Greek ideal:

We talked in the summer mornings before we got to work; we talked in darkness in our marriage bed, in the lengthening autumn nights.  He learned that he could talk to me as I think he had never talked to anyone, unless perhaps Creusa long ago, in the dark years of the siege of Troy, when he was young.  He was a man who thought hard and constantly about what he had done and what he ought to do, and his active conscience welcomed my listening, my silence, and my attempts to answer, as it struggled for clarity.

Lavinia praised him not as a Greek legend would have praised him, not as his fellow warriors would have regarded him, but as a woman:

He honored my ignorance, but I was impatient with it and ready to learn from him, as he soon learned.  As often as we made love I remembered what my poet [Virgil's wraith] told me, that this man was born of a goddess, the force that moves the stars and the waves of the sea and couples the animals in the fields in spring, the power of passion, the light of the evening star.

In an informative "Afterword," the author tells us her love of Virgil's poetry -- Latin poetry with a beauty that defies translation by even the gifted poets who have attempted translation.  The places described in the epic can still be found, although given different names today.  Distances between towns and rivers and springs that seem large in the epic, and in Le Guin's novel, seem small in our automotive age.  An Italy that was forested is now largely devoid of trees.

And the people of what is now the region of Lazio (Latium), near today's Rome, would have been far more barbarous and primitive than either Virgil or Le Guin describes them, their cities more poverty-stricken and squalid.

Vergil [sic] exaggerates the sophistication of that world, I play down its primitiveness: both of us, I think, because we want these people to be Romans -- at least Romans in the making.

Some readers have complained that the novel is too slow, too descriptive.  Maybe.  It's not a detective novel.  If you know the outlines of Virgil's story, there will be no real surprises.  Except perhaps the very ending, when the consequence of Lavinia's "fictional" existence is made known. 

No, you read this novel for those very descriptions, descriptions of people and places and an ancient way of life.  You live in that world as Virgil, twenty centuries ago would have wanted you to live it, but as interpreted from the perspective of a quiet but intelligent woman, a woman overlooked by Virgil, a woman who just happened to be married to Aeneas.

Monday, December 7, 2020

GOP scorns reports of Hawaii attack



(AP) Dec. 8, 1941 -- Republican leaders in Congress denounced reports of a Japanese airstrike on Hawaii yesterday as "Fake News." 

According to Senate minority leader Charles McNary (R-Ore.), "There may have been some minor explosions of unknown cause in and around Honolulu.  Possibly provocations by left-wing terrorists.  President Roosevelt has seized upon these reports as a justification for war with Japan, a war whose only purpose would be detracting attention from the manifold failures of his socialist "New Deal."

Other Republican members of Congress were less restrained.  "The fake lamestream media are a tool of the the pro-Soviet, pro-Communist, anti-American leaders who make up the Roosevelt cabal," according to Joseph Martin (R-Mass.), House minority leader.  Other GOP leaders questioned whether radio reports of a so-called attack were even broadcast from Honolulu.  "You think radio waves can travel all the way from Hawaii to Washington, D.C.?" one Congressman, who declined to be identified, asked.  "Those "radio reports" came from transmitters within the White House or, more likely, within the pro-war machine at FDR's Department of War."

Republican rank and file across the country quickly adopted the theme.  Crowds outside the White House and in major cities across the country gathered, shouting "No War!  No Socialism!  No Fluoridation!"  Scheduled sailings to Japan from San Francisco quickly filled to capacity with extreme right-wing, anti-war activists determined to show that Japan remains open for American tourism.  

Other Republicans, mainly from the Midwest, firmly isolationist and already opposed to international tourism and exposure to foreign ideas, reminded Americans that they were already protected by the Atlantic and the Pacific Oceans, and should let Europe and Asia handle their own problems in their own way.  "God has already given us the natural protection of vast oceans, shielding us from foreign peoples," one Indiana minister declared.    "We mock his Providence by crossing those great seas and seeking out overseas conflicts."

Democratic leaders called Congress into special session to consider a Declaration of War against Japan.  Republican leaders in the Senate promised a filibuster "to end all filibusters."  "Democrat Socialists and Communist fellow-travelers won't force war down the throats of red-blooded Americans," one Senator promised.  "We're prepared to keep talking on the floor of the Senate from now until 1945 if necessary."

Friday, December 4, 2020

No Time to Spare


My blog often strikes me as an outlier, an exception in a world of sharply focused blogs with tons of avid followers and commenters.  Mine, on the other hand, is the opposite of focused.  It is a collection of odd thoughts that occur to me, thoughts on any subject, and has a total of nine formal followers -- most of whom I suspect have forgotten that they are followers.

And yet, I now find that I'm not alone.  I've been reading selections from Ursula K. Le Guin's blog, collected in a book entitled No Time to Spare (2018).  You may recall that I wrote praising Le Guin back in February.  She was a fantasy writer, a creator of fantasy worlds of great detail and ingenuity.  I discovered her only a year ago, and quickly read all six of her Earthsea novels, and then her darker and even more ingenious novel The Left Hand of Darkness.

Her stories are comparable in some ways to Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, but her hero is more prone to struggle against his own fears and weaknesses and against the implacable forces of nature and Fate, rather than to battle against "the bad guys."  

High minded stuff, exhilarating and beautifully written.  And so, I'm surprised to find that her blog is at least superficially very much like my own.  Better written and better thought out, of course, and with essays a bit longer than I can drive myself to write or expect my readers to tolerate, but essays that deal with the human problems that a human writer might be expected to encounter.  Like her heroes, most of her thoughts are grounded in quotidian realities even when touching the heights.

Le Guin died in October 2008 at the age of 88.  Her first blog essay -- at least as presented in this collection -- was written at the age of  80 -- "Going over Eighty."  She faces the problems of "old age" as any 80-year-old might.  In her next essay the following month, she denounces the frequent claim, "You're only as old as you think you are."

It can be very hard to believe that one is actually eighty years old, but as they say, you'd better believe it.  I've known clear-headed people in their nineties.  They didn't think they were young.  They knew, with a patient, canny clarity, how old they were.  If I'm ninety and believe I'm forty-five, I'm headed for a very bad time trying to get out of the bathtub.  Even if I'm seventy and think I'm forty, I'm fooling myself to the extent of almost certainly acting like an awful fool.

Note the laid-back colloquialism of her writing.  Le Guin understands that your writing style should -- or at least may -- vary according to why and to whom you're writing.  She writes her blog as a rambling journal, rambling as her thoughts ramble, not with the crisp, concise, carefully-edited clarity of her fantasy novels.

So she writes disarmingly about the pains and the questionable advantages of growing old.  She writes about cats -- she writes a lot about cats, and especially about her black cat "Gattopardo" (after the Prince in the Italian novel, The Leopard), which was inevitably abbreviated in steps to "Pard."  Pard is the ideal writer's pet -- sleeping contentedly atop the printer, while Le Guin types on her computer.  (My own black cats react with alarm whenever my printer bursts into action.)

She writes about what she calls the "Lit Biz."  Answering questions from readers, many of them from children, many of them from students of all ages: "Tell me what it Means."  "But that's not my job, honey.  That's your job."  She discusses her obsession -- which I share -- with the precise meaning and derivations of words.

Words are my matter -- my stuff.  Words are my skein of yarn, my lump of wet clay, my block of uncarved wood.  Words are my magic, antiproverbial cake.  I eat it, and I still have it.

The Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Mahabharbata.  Literary awards.  The Great American Novel, and who  needs it?  Male authors vs. female authors.  Odd topics like exorcism; military uniforms and how they have devolved from World War II nattiness to today's sloppy camouflage garb; the difference between "knowing" and "believing.".  A lament for the days when America was willing to suck it up and accept self-sacrifice for the common good (this was in 2012, eight years before Covid-19!).

And an entire wonderful section on beauty in many forms -- favorite concerts and opera; hiring an assistant who becomes a friend; the wonders (almost anthropomorphic, a la Hans Christian Andersen) of a "real" Christmas tree; a child's confusion in learning the idioms we take for granted, which segues into how the child understands what we tell her about Santa Claus, and the ethics of our so doing.  And my favorite -- how to eat a soft-boiled egg.

So you put your freshly boiled egg into the egg cup -- but which end up?  Eggs are not perfect ovoids, they have a smaller and and a bigger end. ... I am a Big-Ender.  My opinion, which I will defend to the death, is that if the big end is up it's easier to get the spoon into the opening created when you knock off the top of the egg with a single decisive whack of your knife blade.  Or possibly -- another weighty decision, another matter of opinion, with advocates and enemies, the Righteous and the Unrighteous -- you lift the top of the egg off carefully from the egg-encircling crack you have made by tapping the shell with the knife blade all the way around about a half-inch from the summit.  

Opinions differ.  But everyone surely agrees upon one contention: you need a special, tiny egg spoon, easy to find in Europe, nearly impossible here at home.

Trying to eat an egg from the shell with a normal spoon is like mending a wristwatch with a hammer.

I couldn't have said it better myself.   High praise indeed!

Easy reading, and enjoyable comments on the ups and downs -- mostly ups -- of a long life as a woman and as a renowned writer.  We lost a talented and imaginative writer when Ursula K. Le Guin passed away in 2018 in her adopted city, Portland, Oregon.  Few of us will ever write a novel, but she offers inspiration even to those of us who only stand and blog.   

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

La vacanza italiana è stata cancellata


Habitual readers of this continuing literary masterpiece are aware that I've had some plans for a two-week gathering of friends and family in Levanto, Italy -- a beach town on the northern (or western, depending on how you hold the map) edge of the Cinque Terre.  To celebrate one of those scary decennial birthdays.

It was not a spur of the moment idea.  In fact, it was back in April 2018 that I first emailed likely co-celebrants a suggestion of what I had in mind for the spring of 2020.  I was then still pondering a number of locales.  By January 2019, I had decided on Levanto.  A couple of months later, I asked for a show of hands by those interested.  I was amazed when virtually everyone I had emailed was interested, most of them for a one week stay.

In April 2019, I paid a deposit on a two-week rental of a waterfront villa, with room for fourteen guests.  We needed more room, and in the summer of 2019, I paid a deposit for a one-week rental of a second villa, with room for another twelve guests.  In mid-August of that year, as part of a short visit to Italy, I visited Levanto.  To check it out.

I was delighted with what I saw.

Activity and preparations continued with increased intensity throughout the fall of 2019, with a confirmed total of thirty guests, most of them for a one week stay.  By February 2020, I sent a list of all our guests to the Italian rental agency, with information about each guest that the agency was required to submit to the police.    

Man proposes, but God disposes.

Within days, the Covid-19 epidemic -- then thought to be limited to China -- began sweeping through northern Italy.  For a week or so, I thought we could laugh it off / brave it out.  Finally, in mid-March, I sent my cancellation notice to the agency.  With a little negotiation and discussion of the deposit, however, we agreed to move the date of the rentals from May 2020 to May 2021, and to carry the deposits forward.  

We were all pleased.  The pandemic was obviously going to get worse after March before it got better, but May 2021 looked pretty safe.

Ha!

Today, I bit the bullet and sent out a group email notifying everyone that the party was canceled.  Even with the prospect of a successful vaccine, I don't see how Italy will be welcoming tourists from America by this coming May.  Certainly, not without requiring the two-week  quarantine they are already requiring of more favored nations whose tourists are still allowed in.  Such as Thailand and South Korea.

With our own lack of national leadership, and with the politicization of even so basic a preventive measure as the consistent wearing of masks, I suppose our tourists don't really deserve any particular consideration.  Although, since about September, the pandemic has been raging even in countries with better leadership and more compliant citizens.

Sooner or later, however, we'll be back to "normal."  When that happens, my lust for Italy will burst once more into flame.  As will my hopes of gathering friends and relatives about me.  In Italy.