Eat your eyes out

I worry about a lot of things.  Global warming.  Trumpal tweeting.  Over population.  Falling asteroids.  Swollen adenoids.  Flying off the earth, should gravity suddenly fail.

But behind all of these worries lurks the fear that -- should I die and not be discovered immediately -- my cats will eat my eyes.

I don't know where I heard that this might happen.  I've perused the internet for support or dismissal of this concern.  Opinions are all over the place -- some expressed seriously, others with disturbing levity. 

One article says that a cat will begin eating his owner's body within 24 hours of death.  Another reports that cats, being essentially feral, will be far more interested in hunting down living and scurrying critters outside than in eating rotting meat.  But, of course, if they are locked inside with their owner, with no other food, all bets are off.  Yet another reader provides anecdotal evidence that a cat was locked in a room with the deteriorating body of his owner for 17 days -- the cat was starving when found, but the body was untouched by feline teeth. 

In England, on the other hand, Janet Veal, 56, was discovered partially eaten by her numerous cats.  She had been dead, police estimate, for several months.  Some of the cats had died as well.  Those still alive, I suspect, had developed anti-social culinary tastes.  But, then, this was England -- and if your name is "veal"?   Right?

Even if my two furry friends were willing to partake of me, I have to wonder -- my eyes?  My eyes are fairly well enclosed in my skull.  I suspect they'd first go for my lips, before trying to gouge a bit of vitreous humor out of my eyeball, using their sharp tongues..

I just don't know.  I'm convinced that it's doubtful that my cats would chow down on any part of me -- let alone my eyes.  Doubtful, but not impossible.  Ms. Veal does give me pause.  I'm a bit squeamish about being eaten, even post mortem, but it's not as though I'll be using my body for much else at that point anyway. 

I'm more concerned about the psychological damage to Loki and Muldoon, once they've been rescued and re-nourished.  Like Donner Party survivers. They'll have flashbacks. They'll wake up at night screaming. They'll experience guilt.  They'll be embarrassed to look each other in the eye (just a figure of speech).  They won't remember me with fond memories of being petted, of being fed, of sharing my electric blanket at night. 

They'll just recall that I was ... well ... tasty.