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| White House photo |
WASHINGTON -- Early this afternoon, President Trump single-handedly rescued 246 Andrew Jackson high school students from certain death at the hands of a deranged former student. Dressed in a Spider-Man costume he happened to be wearing under his street clothes, and totally startling the assailant, the heavy-set, totally unarmed, 71-year-old Commander in Chief swung into the high school through a closed window, shattering the pane. He speedily disarmed the frightened young man.
The assailant, identified by the President only as a 20-year-old Mexican immigrant, was found in possession of a large number of assault rifles and rocket launchers, weapons that he had purchased at a nearby Seven-Eleven, displaying his library card as identification, as was his right under the second amendment. He has been flown to Guantanamo for "enhanced interrogation," after which he will be deported to his homeland.
"And that's how it has to be done," President Trump exulted, seeming to show no discomfort from his often incapacitating bone spurs, as chagrined police officers took the man into captivity. "Shock and awe! No room for cowardice in the D. C. police force, eh Chief?"
"Once my Great Wall is built, he reminded reporters, "we won't be having problems like this."
The president will deliver a series of Tweets to the Nation about his heroic rescue tomorrow at 3 a.m.
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