Saying goodbye

Muldoon, last night

Euthanasia is scheduled for my cat Muldoon at 3 p.m. this afternoon. 

Wednesday's ultrasound showed lymphoma infiltrating lymph nodes throughout the abdomen, with one kidney being badly swollen; atypically for cats the intestines were not affected which actually worsens the prognosis.  A treatment option was aggressive chemotherapy.  The percentage chance that chemo would result in remission and the length of time such a remission could be expected to last, together with the cat's need to receive daily doses and weekly office visits, resulted in my decision to put him to sleep now, while he's still reasonably comfortable and not irritated by being constantly medicated.

It's not been an easy decision to make, and a sense of guilt urged me to try every modality possible until death seemed imminent.  I've been encouraged by comments from a lot of friends telling me of their own experiences, and assuring me that this is the right decision.

I had visions of spending our last day together chatting over old times, but he's asleep.  He's been quite apathetic and asocial the last few days, but he surprised me last night by continuing his nightly ritual of joining me while I read in bed, and by curling up on my lap, purring, for a half hour earlier this morning.

Muldoon has been a great friend and companion for the past fourteen and a half years.  His constant presence will be missed more than I can describe.