I suspect that anyone who spends time wondering how to be happy, isn't. And maybe something in his brain chemistry actually precludes such a fellow from feeling that very subjective sensation of "happiness." Happiness (and even more so, unhappiness) is an experience that is uniquely human, as are other such peculiar human sensations as depression, envy, nostalgia for the past, fear of aging, and free-floating Republican anger. It is unlike more simple reactive emotions, shared by other animals, such as fear, contentment, focused rage, and lust.
Where's the evolutionary survival value of happiness? Happy folks don't seem to spawn more kids than unhappy folks, or to live more frequently to a reproductive age. Nevertheless, happy parents do, disproportionately, have happy children, it seems. This fact may suggest, at least at first glance, that the capacity for "happiness" is a genetic trait, of unknown use and origin. But, in fact, it does not resolve the issue of nature vs. nurture -- are we born happy or do we learn happiness from our parents? (Some of you bright folks may know of genetic or psychological studies that have completely resolved these muddled mullings of mine, but I prefer to mull in the abstract, undisturbed by any actual scientific findings, thank you.)
These thoughts are prompted by a pop psychology article in -- once again -- that on-line cyberpop journal, MSNBC. Their financial editor, Jean Chatzky, reaches the startling conclusion that -- once you have food, shelter and basic clothing -- money cannot buy additional happiness. Well, that sure calls into question the structural integrity of my entire life! Not to mention the continuing value of her weekly financial advice.
But, no, she isn't that radical. Money itself cannot buy happiness, she observes, and "things" purchased with money have a limited and temporary ability to boost your endorphins. But money, wisely used, can smooth the way to what I relabel her "Six Paths to Happiness." I paraphrase them, for my readers' increased happiness, thusly:
1. Pay attention daily to all the little things that make you happy. Smell the roses. Hug your kids and your friends. Keep a "happiness diary." Much of unhappiness results from ignoring our many reasons to be happy.
2. Getting there is half the fun. Those weeks dreaming of getting your drivers license were more fun than actually driving. Smelling the Thanksgiving turkey in the oven beats the dinner itself. Standing on the front porch, waiting to be invited in for a drink, is more exciting .... well, no need to belabor the point. Don't wish your life away, waiting for future pleasures. Enjoy the anticipation itself.
3. Do something new. Go to the same old boring tropical paradise every year? Poor baby. This year, try a week in New York.
4. Do something selfless. One of the best kept secrets. Doing someone a quiet favor can trump, by a league and a half, the pleasure of buying yourself a wide screen TV. Our grandparents knew all about it: "It's more blessed to give than to receive."
5. Do work you love, not just work that pays. Once you finish school, you spend at least a third of your hours working. Do something that makes you feel excited about getting up each morning.
6. Do something physical. Happiness, however caused, is accompanied by hormonal changes. A good run in the park can itself make those hormones flow. Some studies show that regular exercise is as effective at fighting depression as commonly prescribed anti-depressants.
Nothing new here, is there? We already knew all of these tips. But maybe it's handy to see them all collected together in a tidy list?
Or maybe not. Again, if you need a recipe for happiness, you may be congenitally inclined toward unhappiness (or suffer from clinical depression, which is a whole different subject and may require medication). Ms. Chatzky's list may serve mainly to remind happy people of why they are happy. But genetics is not destiny. Even with bad genes, you are not doomed to misery. Happiness is not a goal, but a by-product of other accomplishments. Focus on your outward life, not your inward emotions. Remember the "Six Paths." Be curious about the small wonders about you, form future plans that you can look forward to, be open to novelty, care about people who need your care, get excited about your work.
When all else fails, run a marathon.
While your attention is fixed on these goals, "happiness" may well sneak in through the back door, and catch you by surprise.
1 comment:
I'd be hesitant to say that there's an actual 'formula' for happiness. It means different things to different people. I'm also somewhat averse to explaining human emotions in a purely scientific manner; I think there is a lot of human thought and emotion that exists somewhere in between the physical world and that "higher plane" or whatever you'd call it, if you even believe in it.
But there is certainly value in these "Six Paths to Happiness." There are definitely things you can do that without fail - or almost so - will make you happier.
Oh, and about the money thing. People say, "Money can't buy you happiness." I say, "Give me a few million dollars and I'll sure try."
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