Remember what the dormouse said

Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders.
--Nietzsche

Your blind date's eyes narrow when she first meets you and looks you over. After chatting for five minutes, glancing several times at her watch, she yawns and says, "Sorry, this isn't going to work," and leaves you sitting at the table, waiting for your drinks to arrive. Yikes! Besides curling up in bed with the electric blanket turned up to "high" and hugging your childhood teddy bear -- how do you recover from that?

Maybe you should take a pill.

Reuters reports a Dutch medical study indicating that one kind of beta-blocker (a medication used to treat high blood pressure) actually helps to weaken "bad" memories. Patients who were afraid of spiders, because of a one-time scary encounter with the little arachnids, were "cured" when the beta-blocker wiped out (or significantly weakened) the memory. The pill seemed to interfere with the old memory once a fresh spider event recalled the memory to consciousness.

Once refined, the possibilities seem endless. For example, at awkward times I'm apt to recall:

1. The time in fourth grade I was invited to a party, and, not realizing it was a birthday party, brought no present. Pop a pill!

2. The time my dad took me to the YMCA for kid's swimming lessons. He told me that it was an old Y custom for all the boys to swim without suits. It wasn't, and no one else did. Pop a pill!

3. The time in college that I took my dad's car to the beach and got stuck in the sand at low tide. Yup, high tide's a memory I'd love to forget. Pop a pill!

4. How about when I stood in front of the class to give a presentation, and found my notes swimming meaninglessly before my eyes, and my mind going blank? Pop a pill!

Once the memory is erased, did the humiliation ever really happen? These pills don't just make you feel better, they change your past. No longer a guy with a nerdy childhood, you suddenly become a confident stud for whom the world has always thrown open its doors. You can now stride down the sidewalk, shoulders thrown back, staring down the lesser mortals who pass by. And we must be only one step away from an even better pill, one that creates positive memories -- perhaps a firm belief that all of your best fantasies actually did occur.

Meanwhile, I may just feign high blood pressure so as to get my hands on some of them there beta-blockers. Or maybe they're available on the street? They're probably better for you than an evening of booze, and, if they do nothing else, they'll keep your doctor happy next time he takes your blood pressure.