The Goblin

I was the kind of kid who read every book about "outer space" in the children's section of the library.  Now, since the American space program landed men on the moon and has sent unmanned vehicles far beyond the orbit of Pluto, I'm not so sure that dreaming of the planets is still a boyhood  obsession.  Somewhere along the line, dinosaurs seem to have filled the void.

But for me, it was planets.  By the time I was nine or ten, I knew the major characteristics of every planet, and its number of known moons (far fewer than are known now).  I loved the names of the planets, each the name of a Roman god.  Including Pluto, before Pluto was demoted to a "dwarf planet."

Ah, but if I had learned of a planet -- yes, even a dwarf planet -- named "The Goblin," I would have been delirious with joy.  A planet named not after an ancient classical god, but named after a Germanic (Middle High German kobold) demon, and so named because it was discovered around Halloween.

He's a bashful little goblin.  The closest he comes to Earth is 2 1/2 times farther out than the orbit of Pluto.  He then proceeds way, way out there -- sixty times as far as Pluto is from the Sun.  According to an article in The Guardian, The Goblin takes 40,000 years to make a single elongated orbit around our Sun.  Forty thousand years ago, our Homo sapiens ancestors began arriving in Europe from Africa, and discovered they needed to figure out how to handle the Neanderthal problem.  

Hypothetical inhabitants of The Goblin would thus see a lot of history march past before they were even one year old.  But the history would be limited in geographical scope, since The Goblin has a radius of only about 300 km (186 miles). 

The Goblin now joins two other dwarf planets that also circle the Sun far beyond Pluto's orbit.  It was discovered by astronomers using a telescope on Mauna Kea, Hawaii, who have been looking, so far unsuccessfully, for a giant planet, bigger than Earth, that seems to affect the orbit of all three dwarf planets.  They refer to this mysterious, and still invisible, planet as Planet Nine (sorry again, Pluto).

My own suspicion is that Planet Nine is actually a giant space station, designed to absorb rather than reflect all light and other radiation, making use of this radiation as an energy source for Planet Nine's inhabitants.  Yes, exactly, like the hollowed out asteroid occupied by the "buggers" in Ender's Game.  

My theory of an alien outpost explains the source of  the much reported UFOs, the nighttime abductions of humans by alien beings, and quite probably the Greek, Roman, Nordic, and Hindu gods who played such a major role in the early years of many civilizations.  Also, as a practical joke by said aliens, it may explain the appearance and presidency of Donald Trump.

Whatever.  When talking to an astronomer seated next to you on a plane, you can now talk seriously to him about these late developments.  He'll know what you mean when you ask about The Goblin.  But if you want to really impress him, use The Goblin's formal name -- 2015 TG387.

Got it?  Good.  Keep an eye open for aliens after you douse the lights tonight.