Cooking and the single man

Pesky life-threatening viruses are a bother for all of us.  But most of the advice you read is how to handle life in a viral world as a parent, or at least as a couple.  But what about those of us who are single, and living alone?

Rather than babbling on  about black holes in far off galaxies, let's look today at survival as a bachelor -- right here, in the real world.  On middle class Earth.  Today's lesson is cooking.

Now, in the old days, pre-virus, my meal menus were simple.  One meal was always cereal and mixed fruit.  One meal was always a peanut butter sandwich and carrot sticks.  And the third was eaten out:  alternating between a full ham and egg breakfast; or, for lunch, spaghetti and meat sauce, or fish and chips, or, rarely, a burger and fries.

Life was good.

But now there is no "eating out."  This catastrophe, hopefully temporary, requires a little more creativity.  In fact, I have had to learn to cook for myself.  I'll pass on to you what I've learned.

Substituting for the restaurant meal, one option has been a tuna sandwich.  The tuna sandwich is more difficult than than the peanut butter sandwich, which I continue to reserve for the evening meal.  You have to open a can of tuna (there's an implement in your drawer somewhere to assist you), mash the contents in a bowl, and mix in a dollop of sandwich spread (some would use mayo, but I follow the tried and true recipe handed down from my mother.) 

Many people add lettuce.  Feel free, but if the sandwich is made correctly you won't want to detract from its tuna integrity with an unneeded garnish.

So far, so good.  But man does not live by tuna alone.  On alternate days, one can also prepare an egg salad sandwich.  This entrée requires some actual cooking, i.e., heating, using one of the hitherto untouched top burners on your stove.  Take three uncooked eggs, place them in a sauce pan, add enough water to cover the eggs, cover the pan, and turn the burner up to "high."  Make sure you turn the right burner on.

You will be tempted to go in the other room and read awhile, allowing the water to heat up on its own.  This is a novice's mistake!  You must watch the water until it begins stirring the eggs about, then turn the burner down to "3," and allow the water and eggs to bubble gently for ten minutes. 

Pour out the boiling water, retaining the eggs in the pan by use of the lid.  If one egg slips out and down the garbage disposal, well, that's why you're boiling three eggs.  Fill the pan with cold water, and let the eggs chill out.  When they seem cold, even after holding them for a few seconds, you're well on your way to success.  Put two of the eggs in the fridge (or one if there was an accident) for future use, and de-shell the remaining egg.  Sometimes removing the shell is a breeze.  Sometimes it's difficult to do without also losing half the white of the egg, as well as your temper .  Be patient.  You live alone, and there's no hurry.  No one besides you is waiting for dinner.

Grab a fork and mash the egg to smithereens in a small bowl.  This is the fun part.  Then add to taste salt, pepper, and celery salt (because your Mother always did).  Add enough mayo to hold the mess together, spread on your bread, and, voila!  Egg salad sandwich. Serve with carrots or with half a sliced apple.  No, save the apple to accompany the peanut butter sandwich at dinner.

Once you've mastered these two entrées, you really don't need to know anything else, unless you just like messing around in the kitchen.

Variety?  Well, variety, I've found throughout my successful life, is an overrated quality.  But sometimes, why not?  On Wednesday, for example, I ordered a small pizza.  I had to also order a small salad, to make the minimum order purchase for delivery, but that was okay.  The pizza, which surprisingly arrived when they said it would, was reasonably warm and reasonably good.  I ate two-thirds of it, along with some of the salad.  This was WAAYY too much food, or at least  much more than I'm used to except when visiting other people.  Two of the six slices would have been perfect. 

Put the remaining pizza into the fridge, still in its pizza box.  If covered, it remains good for several days.  It can be eaten one or two slices at a time, either for a meal or for a quick snack instead of popcorn.  Some more cooking expertise is required.  Do NOT use your oven.  Put the slice(s) on a plate, insert plate in your microwave, and blast it for thirty seconds.

Not only will the pizza be good -- it will taste better, or at least seem better, and much hotter than it was when you first received it from the possibly-contagious hands of the delivery boy.  Remember how good that pizza will taste later when you're tempted to overeat when you first get it.

I mentioned popcorn, but that opens up an entire new topic.  I think we'll save that for a later essay.  So, from my house to yours,

Bon Appetit!