Harboring a masked bandit

In 2007, I wrote a few paragraphs about the guy in Oregon who rescued an injured fawn, nursed it back to health, and kept both it and its subsequent offspring on his property -- only to have them seized by the state wildlife department, probably to be put to "sleep." I suggested a certain over-zealousness by game officials, and a certain lack of rationality.

Arizona has gone a step further. A man named Stan saw a raccoon drowning in the Colorado river. Being a kind-hearted sort, he jumped in and rescued it. The raccoon, now named Sonny, was quickly domesticated. Locals got used to seeing Stan walking around town with Sonny perched happily on his shoulder.

Uh uh uh uh, boys and girls! Don't you ever go trying to rescue a raccoon in Arizona! Under state law, the raccoon "is the only animal in Arizona that can be legally taken with a firearm at night." It can't be kept as a pet without first obtaining an "exotic animal license." The Arizona Game and Fish Department somehow heard about this peculiar miscreant walking about with an exotic masked bandit on his shoulder. And they pounced!

Stan was arrested. No, not given a ticket. Arrested. Sonny was seized and taken into custody where he will learn -- in his final moments -- never to trust the animal called "man." (This being Arizona, he'll probably be strapped into a tiny electric chair.)

I've entertained you on occasion with my on-going wars against neighborhood raccoons who attempt to enter my house and eat my cats' food. The varmints have been quite a pain in the neck, although I seem to have them stymied at present.

But despite my adversarial relationship with raccoons, I now declare: Arizona, this is just one more of your totally imbecilic outrages! I suggest we put the Oregon and Arizona game department officials on a sinking raft headed down the Colorado, facing the prospect of drowning.

I won't bother throwing them a rope.
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Photo: Sonny

UPDATE (2-25-12): State officials state that Stan was arrested on an outstanding misdemeanor warrant, not for harboring the raccoon. They also state that Sonny will be put to "sleep" only if tests show an infectious disease. Otherwise, he probably will be adopted by some appropriate institution. Better an orphanage than "inappropriate" parents, as we've discussed in a different context.