Have a horrifying Halloween

Halloween.  (Or, as we were taught to spell it in school, Hallowe'en.)  The eve (e'en) of All Hallows Day, or as we now call it -- when we call it at all -- All Saints Day.

A time, traditionally, when bad things came out of the woodwork. Remember "Night on Bald Mountain," as interpreted by Disney's Fantasia?  Disney at least got the tradition right, as the Satanic Halloween orgies expressed through Mussorgsky's music segued with dawn into the purity of Schubert's "Ave Maria."

Halloween in later years became a day for kids to go trick or treating and to scare themselves visiting grave yards and haunted houses.  In our own time, adults also have gotten into the act.  I can't imagine any adult dressing up in a Dracula costume when I was a kid, but, nowadays, grown-up gotta have fun, too.

So what does the well-dressed adult Halloween reveler wear these days?  According to USA Today, the ten most popular costumes for adults are:

1.  Harley Quinn
2.  A character from Star Wars 
3.  A super-hero ("Take your pick and find some Lycra.")
4.  Pirate
5.  Batman (I guess he wasn't a super-hero)
6.  Minnie Mouse (?!)
7.  Witch
8.  Minions
9.  The Joker
10.  Wonder Woman  (see comment to #5)

Well, I have no idea who Numero Uno, Harley Quinn, might be, let alone #8 Minions.  But I dressed up as #7 Batman when I was about ten, so I can see the appeal there. 

But shouldn't there be a greater representation of the supernatural, the spirits that traditionally come out to play once a year?  No ghosts?  No one wants to just throw a sheet over his or her head?  I guess nowadays, everyone would rather be a pop culture figure than Frankenstein's monster or a dancing skeleton.

But #7, the Witch, represents the true spirit of Halloween.  Not the misunderstood and heroic witches of The Boy Who Couldn't Fly Straight, which I reviewed earlier in the month.  But witches as they were perceived by those who lived in fear of them.

I'm talking, for example, of the 19 witches who were hanged in Salem in 1692, as described in an article in this month's Smithsonian magazine.  The colonial prosecution's prime witness alleged that witches flew through the skies at night, and had animal "familiars," including "translucent cats."

She had seen a hog, a great black dog, a red cat, a black cat, a yellow bird and a hairy creature that walked on two legs.  Another animal had turned up too.  She did not know what it was called and found it difficult to describe, but it had "wings and two legs and a head like a woman."  A canary accompanied her visitor.

Now these were true terrors, something that made your skin prickle and your hair stand on end, if you lived in a tiny Massachusetts village surrounded by the howling wilderness.

I suggest to you that Minnie Mouse and the Joker and Luke Skywalker don't embody the true spirit of Halloween, the seeing of things unseen and the fear of Evil with a capital E.

So I was relieved to see that witch costumes were still in vogue.  Until I read the suggestions for appropriate witching dress:

What you need: Anything goes. The witch costume is a classic, in part, for its versatility. Go seamlessly from cleaning to trick-or-treating (carry that broom right out the door!). Go old-school with green face paint or a wart. Go low-maintenance by not plucking that chin hair. Pointy hat and striped socks are a plus.

Gentlemen, you make a farce of witchcraft, and a travesty of the true spirit of Halloween.  May you wander drunkenly by accident into a graveyard at midnight and stub your toe on a tombstone beside an open grave. 

Feel free in that moment of truth to exorcise your fear and horror by irony and whimsical utterances.  If you're still capable of speech.